Back when I was a kid...

I'd spend hours cutting and taping shoe boxes to make a cash register and silverware holders for the PB&J restaurant I was opening in my back yard. I'd write menus and keep the prices low so all the kids could afford a yummy meal with their friends.

I'd harbor inside my closet with a Sharpie and reveal all our dark family secrets on the back of the closet wall for the next inhabitant of our home to find, to hear the story of those who settled before.

I'd sing really loudly at the top of the stairs, listening for the reverberations of my off-tuned honesty, my bursting heart.

I'd wander upstairs as the family watched TV and I'd take over my father's typewriter. Bright papers of pinks and greens and yellows were the ones I chose, just in case the words weren't enough.

I'd sit on the couch as my parents tragically misunderstood each other. I'd cry and talk urgently of ways they could learn to love again.

I'd gather all my cousins together and play director and leading roll in our very own top-notch production of a musical delight.

I'd recite to myself in the mirror my acceptance speech for winning some famous award. I'd say "this goes out to all the fat kids! You can do and be anything you dream! You're beautiful and powerful and perfect just as is!" I'd cry.

I'd watch cartoons because everyone else did, and think to myself that they were stupid, not meaningful.

I'd hide in the bathroom when the math teacher collected homework. I'd pretend I was feeling sick and go to the healthroom because I hated being the stupidest kid in the "Gifted and Talented" class.

I'd imagine that my parents both died in some tragic accident, and hold myself responsible for achieving my fullest potential... for making them proud.

I'd get my dad to buy me magazines, claiming I would read them, then plaster my walls with all of the four-fold boy band posters.

I'd stand up for all the "dorky" kids and try to understand them.

I'd dream so deeply of falling in love, of feeling completely accepted and understood, of being appreciated, enough, forever.